Emotion:undecided.
Random Thought:my heart burns, and no it's not heart burn.
What:sade-somebody already broke my heart

so i'm sitting here for yet another night/day in paul's bed. things have taken an "unbelievable" turn, paul and i are dating. it's been about a month now. there are times when i feel the waves rock the boat a little, a bit of apprehensiveness but nonetheless charging full speed ahead.

life has taken a curious turn of events. as much as i was looking forward to leaving san diego, it's not my path right now. however, i will have the occassional vacations and visits to places other than san diego. e.g. this may i'll be going to chicago to participate in a speakers' panel at a national conference. exciting.

at the same time i fear that i may be limiting myself. as well versed as i may be (yes a bit cocky there) about filipin@ culture, i feel the need to expand and understand the interconnections and the disconnecting experiences of humanity. it's time i look beyond my nose. i can spit you line and verse about the filipin@ experience and my personal experience, but i'm really looking to expand. perhaps those are the doors that grad school can open for me. at the same time, with a hint of fear i'm afraid that i'm just closing the lid on myself. containing those dreams that i once had, at the same time hard work pays off. gee it's great that we can always counter our fears with some coined phrase and it supposedly goes all away.

i should be typing my personal statement right now, but i'm just looking for some inspiration. i'm looking for something to get the juices flowing and to reassure me about this decision, about this opportunity that i'm about to unlock.
(i never noticed that there's unity in opportunity). intersting. . .

this final semester of undergraduate life, i've pretty been bumming it. working on odd projects, interning, org-ing, and bumming. i guess i don't really need a break since this qualifies as one.

sometimes i just want to scream it from the top of a mountain, and let the world in on my secret.
to know where the keys to unlocking pandoras's box lie. . .
in his hands tightly clasped
no grain of sand can trickle through
it's amazing.