Emotion:just a little frustrated.
Random Thought:i already knew.
What:

yes, i'm just a little frustrated, really. just a little. i don't think i can ever really write my emotions down but this tends to reflect my honest feelings even if they're confusing. lex and i are at a point where he's just waiting for me to take initiative to end up. he tells me that he acknowledges the fact that it's over, but then again he runs after me. make up your fucking mind. sorry i'm upset. . . i've had so much frustration enclosed in myself that i don't think you ever will or ever have understood me as i wanted you to. we obviously have a breakdown in communication. let me explain something to you. . .at the beginning i was unsure, in the middle i was unsure, at the end i'm still unsure. does that not put up a red flag for you? again your expections are not what i can give but you continue to add pressure to my already full plate. i tried. i kept trying. i'd have my moments. lex i'm overly frustrated with you and will be glad when that one day comes when we are both able to get over all of this. it serves us no purpose to continue playing couple tag. those moments that i spent with you were very memorable. i thought there was potential again, but again like we did before you sealed my fate, made me claustrophobic.

i understand that you needed to express your feelings and tell your side of the story in order to help with the healing process. you know what i did have plans. . . for your birthday i found the perfect ceramic squirrel. . i was going to make paper acorns that held little love notes in them. i've been caught up in my business of planning and organizing. and again i feel like you hold that against me. before we got together, what did i say? what did i make for you? i told you that i want to establish myself, set my foundation and finish college. i made a SACRIFICE for you. do you remember those tears we shared that one day? i told you i would make a sacrifice for you because your mom made a sacrifice for your dad. yes, i did do a lot of things when we first started, but there are a lot of factors that contributed to the change. first off, my father tells me "be careful he's older than you." my family's emphasis on a college degree that you feel is just a piece of paper, which invalidates all my accomplishments. (yes i am heavily guided by my family) the family values of conservativeness, the woman should not go to the man's house. she should not spend the night. it isn't right for her to be at his house all the time. the guy should do the work. .. again this just confirms my old fashioned courting ways. and that is what is embedded in me in addition to being a strong woman and maintaining myself w/o the need of a man. though our relationship was vital to my progression, i was afraid that it was the basis of my growth.

plain and simple. we, lex and i, just do not work. especially at this time in our lives, especially mine as it is the determining factor. i have always been pressured to give him the bare minimum, which is what i did, but he continued to ask for more. i want something simple. w/o being spoiled, w/o all the games, w/o being smothered, w/o losing friends while maintaining my sanity. you've frustrated me since jersey and you continue to frustrate me to this day. your expections exceed my reality. you just want something simple, but when i do come over to spend nights with you it's not what you perceived. ugh im just overfully frustrated and disappointed in it. when i see you i become happy. i smile and i laugh because it's a trish and lex moment even if we are "fighting" i find it funny that you will say it's over. . and then run after me and accuse me of turning things around. all i simply did was agree with you. i put what you said "this isn't working" with what i say "this isn't working" which equals "THIS ISN'T WORKING!"

i think that's pretty blatant and obvious.