Emotion:defeated.
Random Thought:makibaka! huwag matakot!
What:the rumbling of the computer.

i needed a safe place to go so i'm sitting here in alexis' office letting my thoughts run free. what am i currently thinking about? what have i been thinking about? going to gabnet this weekend has reminded me of the many injustices that are occuring every minute of our lives and how easily it is for us to tune out this white noise with music, television, friends, homework. how easy it is for us with privilege to close the door on a crying nation, how easy it is for us to avoid the topic when it comes into conversation. well damnit, i want to talk to about it.

i've come to the conclusion that i am moved by my emotions. i am drawn to injustices and pushed forward to make sure justice is served by my personal attachment. i want to see a world of equality, equal pursuit of happiness and liberty. reality is however that that type of world doesn't exist. . . yet.

i'm on my way to school thinking about all the lessons that have been taught and retaught to me at this conference. i am reminded of how (lost this thought, my mom called me asking what scent of deoderant i preferred. . . i chose sunset breeze by lady speedstick) so let's retract, i'm on my way to school thinking about life, thinking about the children who are forced to become soldiers motivated by fear and witnesses to murders. i am reminded of the 22 year old filipina who was raped by 6 u.s. marines at subic bay thrown like a pig after they have their take of her. i am reminded of the many homeless shelters that are products of capitalism and forgotten communities. i sit there and remember. i listen to kiwi in hopes of inspiration. my body tingles at the sound of something like "bring the system down, bring it down now. . mabu mabu mabuuuu. . hay hay hay" i get chills when kiwi tells us that people are marching for justice. i sit there and am reminded.

i think how angry i am with people who can just sit there and not be motivated by the injustices that are occurring within the very world that they live on. one world, one people. what ever happened to those thoughts? to those words that we were taught to live by. when did we become a selfish planet? i think about the conversation i had with my mom this morning. the first true conversation that gave her a glimpse into my soul. into my thoughts and perspectives about the history and presence of her country, the philippines that one i now call home. i hear her tell me that the U.S. military should stay in the Philippines. It won't survive without them. I tell her it's a sick and twisted dependency and form of exploitation where women such as the 22 year old Filipina from Subic Bay are subject to rapes and forced into slavery. i tell her about the "little brown fucking machines" and the mail order brides how they are products of militarization and imperialism by the United States. and she understands me. but again i sat in my car thinking. . is this just displaced anger? do we filipino-americans feel so angry at the united states that we protest their imperialistic wizardy over the philippines? have we just targeted the united states as the main culprit of the semi-feudal semi-colonial philippines? i don't know. but now when i think of it and the words shared by women of the philippines congresswoman Liza, secretary general of GabNet who tell us otherwise, validating our angst towards the visiting forces agreement that allow such atrocities to occur in a third world nation once an economic power, i feel angry for the right reasons.

and for you to sit there who are reading this to not feel motivated by these numerous accounts of exploitation and injustice towards our very own people upsets me. but i understand. . . a different world, a different place. not everyone is on the same page. i just wish it was. . or we that we could turn the page together.