Emotion:hurt.
Random Thought:no.
What:moonstar88.

just read it. i guess this is my response. i wasn't trying to generate a response. i was just saying it as it was, i guess. i never really allowed myself the time to sit and just cry. i didn't want to, didn't want to cry, sit here and feel sad.

crap lex. i'm seriously trying so hard not to call you and let you have a piece of my mind or to just sit there and let you listen to me cry. because i never let myself cry over you i didn't want to. i didn't want to sit here and do what i am doing now. i'm at a serious loss for words. and i'm trying to just somehow transmit telepathic messages to you. to let you see how it's hit me as hard as i try to deny it. you know it's so easy for me to put on a smile and say it's a great decision. it's the probably the most beneficial one i made so far. and i try to tell myself don't let the fact that jackie is writing him messages reminiscing about their past bother you. it's okay trish if they were meant to be. it's okay. because you'll be fine. i can't listen to another guy try and serenade me or talk about singing w/o comparing him to you with your voice that just stole my heart and my ear drums. i can't help but remember being wrapped in your arms at night and just knowing that everything was going to be okay even though you and i had just hard a fight. i hate this feeling. i hate falling in love i hate falling for someone so hard that it's just too hard to pick up the pieces. i didn't want to fall in love for these reasons. i didn't want it for these reasons because i knew i wasn't emotionally strong for one. i couldn't bear the weight of two, especially you. and i hate that. i hate it.

god just help me to get through this damn crying spell that doesn't even need to be.i can't imagine having sex with someone else besides you. i can't succomb to cuddling with someone else as hard as i try to imagine it.

but i'm okay. i'll be okay. i can get over this. i've got a year of school left. i've got my GREs to concentrate on and crossing my fingers to get into grad school. got a wedding to think about. got DAD to think about as he sits there. not knowing what his fate is. but now i just think about you. you you you. and you drive me crazy.


this is pathetic trish.