Emotion:hopeful.
Random Thought:there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
What:

i just finished looking at a friend's website. someone that i met during my semester in the philippines. oh how inspirational it is to get past the point of graduating college and pursuing some type of happiness. for some reason, it's opened a door into my thoughts where i feel and i know, things will be okay. i can't explain it but there's a just a feeling as if a warm blanket has me swaddled. just the thought that all this hard work and something will definitely come of it. it's great.

you know i think about my anti-social habits and how i close the doors on people almost too suddenly. how unfair is that to not give a person the chance. i know that i definitely have a lot of growing to do and need time for more self-reflection. i guess you could say that's always been my guiding light, to look at myself first before i learn to love others. i guess you can say that this is the stage of life that i've reached.

tomorrow i'll be going to a bridal bazaar. i think that's the first event that makes the engagement seem more official than anything. the wedding has been set to the 22 of january. i need to find some way to work my schedule around that. you know it's exciting to think about this. . . january: ate and keith will be getting married; may: i will be graduating. two major events for my family. just sends those warm-fuzzies around to know that my parents' dreams are becoming realities. ate ricel is still pushing for ucla. she's taking open university courses in hopes of gaining full admittance once again.

with this milieu, i hope you can understand why i do what i do. i have such an inspirational family that i strive for so much. even if it means putting a love life on hold, i can't afford to lose my realities. you know it's so much more than just a piece of paper it's everything engulfed into my 22 years of breathing. this is a step, maybe even like a rite of passage, for my family and for myself. to graduate from college, to start a career, to own a house, and then to get married becomes the blueprint for my plans with marriage being questionable at this point because i'm only at the start.

winds breezing through strands of hair
tickling the earth's sky
reaching towards the shine
eminating from daffodil yellow
transcending leaves to maturity
while secretly changing the wrinkles of its face
as if in tune with earth's lullaby