Emotion:somber?
Random Thought:not quite sure.
What: lots.

listening to oldies to drown out the silence that brings forth my pain. sometimes when mere thoughts can't explain your inner emotions, music comes to the rescue. with its first aid kit of tunes. taking you on a range of tones, the highs and lows of life. just being able to belt out your frustration as you struggle to hit that high pitch note only to be off key. i have to remind myself to breath. to let the air out so i can continue living. so i can push forward with my realities. it's withing grasp, a mere touch of the nail that extends from my middle finger. that close.

it's hard for me to truthfully scribe my thoughts, my inner being right now. things are just settling in. i'm finding that breathing in music helps with the healing process. but yet i find myself paralyzed by the situation.

behind the front line: my lola is currently taking medication because she has a stone in her gall bladder. it's frightening to let go of her. we're not exactly sure what's happening, at least i don't know. one night lola said that she saw a man in her room, a dark figure. she got up from bed to turn off the light switch and walked back to bed, but missed. she fell and injured herself. it's scary to think about it, but it's selfish to hold on so tight. she thought it could lolo coming for her. i can't imagine the thought of losing my lola. she is my source of strength, the happiness in my thoughts. aba, ala eh, dine. as she squats stringing the green beans.

a live without forgiveness is a life of slavery. those words spoken by the priest at yesterday's mass sunk into my skin. changing a lot of things, setting off the alarm that i kept snoozing.

it feels right to have done what i have.