Emotion:stressed.
Random Thought:too much, but it's a sick addiction.
What:moonstar88

yes. so spring 2005 semester is finally coming to a blissful end filled with reflection papers and one last 30 multiple choice final. i'm excited, but one thing that i do not enjoy is the fact that i live by my schedule. you're not apart of my plan unless i write you in. so sad. i hate, but i love it. such a sick addiction.

here's an overview of my summer vacation from this point on:
(this helps me keep organized)

Tonight:
study with gals at 5
type papers for Elise's class
ishmael reed and roldofo acuna reviews
spanglish paper
homebound paper

Tomorrow:
final at 7 fucking a.m. (awesome!)
sleep, hang out with the group at el torito (Bye shea!)

Friday: relax? I think there's something on friday, but i forget what.

Saturday:
community consciousness
Pilipino Students Saving Tagalog forum
San Diego Art Center Forum
Birthday Party
out with the girls? I think. . there might be something else

Sunday:
pick up key from Ate

Monday:
move into the house

Tuesday:
interview at kalusungan wellness center (wish me luck)

Wednesday:
drop ma and pa off to the airport
Thursday:
buy permit and books for summer school
Friday:
Saturday:
Sunday:
Monday:
start school/cancelled jury duty

yep that's my great summer adventure.

i feel very attached to my filiponess, but at the same time i am aware that it closes doors for me. i can be very closeminded, but i think that has to do with the fact that i want understand the concept of filipino before i can fully understand anything else. i realize that there are many forms of racial injustices that are experience by people of color. entirely of the united states, people of color are in a disadvantage considering the white hegemony of society. those who have the money are in control. those who are in control are those who of the right waspy status. my arguments are not fully developed as i am a work in progress, but one thing that i do want to be recognized as is a filipina american. i want to be recognized for my actions and my progress as a filipina. for i feel that i carry the weight of my history and future on my back. i carry branded to my nose the colonization and imperialism which exploits a culture.

my passion and at the same time my great annoyance is sharing what i know of myself and my culture. the defitions of culture are different each individual. but for me i try to encompass as much as i can at the same creating connections between the past and present.

this is my best wrongdoing in that it created so much hostility and distrust for people outside my world. i test the waters of others before i can go further. to see people for the simple human factor that we share allows us to go beyond the boundaries that bind. i think i've spent so much time focusing on people who are the outcast of society and trying to connect with them because it is so much easier than trying to connect with someone of such elite status. at the same time this is contradictory if i were to try and do this for i would be perceived as coming from high status.

i admit i do come with economic priliege as well as educational. my opportunities are based on what my parents had sacrificed in order to ensure this future to me. . .as well as the sacrificies of my sisters. immediately, it took four to make me. a community, it took all to make me. i am blessed by greatness and fail to be thankful for what i have. i do see the beauty with each situation. up or downs.

my greatest desire in life is to elevate filipin@s, to get the recognition that is due to them for their many contributions to this country. one day i would love see history written to express more than the march of Bataan or briefly mention the Treaty of Paris.

While I do this, i do exclude. i realize this and this is my greatest flaw in this plan.