Emotion:tired.
Random Thought:my current state of life.
What:hey mr. dj-zhane

i'm tired. i'm falling asleep but i've kept myself cornered, for outside is my inquisitive nephew awaiting to ask me questions. did i not mention that i'm exhausted? i'm not in the mood for some criticism.

since the family meeting, the plan has been that i will be getting a job to pay my sister rent while my parents take care of my oldest sister. well, i guess i had my fair share of piggybacking my parents for a while. i've found a couple of prospective jobs as well as internships for fall semester. the only problem is trying to find a suitable job to fulfill my financial needs without exceeding calvet's limitation of, i think, $9500 or $8500 a year. at the same time, my sister would prefer that i get a job related to my major. thus far, i've found a job as a student worker at the probation office of sd county. the pay is good. it's based on the number of units completed in college. however, it exceeds calvet if i were to stay for a year. sigh. it's good practice, as long as i keep telling myself that i'll be okay.

so i've finally decided on a career that i'd like to try and it honestly makes me feel better about all the schooling that i will be completing. I would like to become a policy analyst which does require a heavy amount of travelling. at the same time with my msw, i can pursue a career as program coordinator. i honestly feel like i've made some good decisions when it comes to this.

all my sacrifices and tears will pay off in the end. i believe it.

i think i'm great at adapting myself to my environment. i think that at times i can be so great at that that i lose myself amongst all the shades. i am but a plethora of life. so many different things are embodied within me as i believe it is in anyone else.

on a side note, it's time for a haircut. i finally paddled out and regardless of the water temp. it was well worth it to be out there once again. though i need to rebuild my stamina to drive my duckdives through. just carving and 360s, so refreshing. sounds like i need to get back into my routine again. it's been 3 weeks since i've done some cardiovascular workouts.

my posts have been quite bland lately. i suppose i could say that it's because i feel limited. seriously, i feel trapped sometimes, just caged. i keep getting caught by the same mouse trap.


i miss the simplicity of home life.