Emotion:none.
Random Thought:none.
What:love & basketball, roberta flack, and the washer.

oh how i love this movie, i know i know. it can be stupid, but i guess it's the fact that there is a love story within a passion.

so i've been thinking. . . i don't like the way things are developing. there have been many temptations that have crossed my path and i'm honestly trying to prevent myself from getting "caught up." right now i'm keeping myself focused, just going straight, trying not to be distracted by what's on the sidewalk. my desire for san francisco and accomplishing my goals are there but there are just times when i can't help but think "what if" or "what else." i admit i have the slightest fear that things won't pull through but for some reason i'm at ease because i realize that i've come so far already that the next step is TO go further.

as you can tell by my previous entries this has been the only thing that i have honestly been thinking about, just accomplishing school. i suppose i should explain where my drive for education comes from. a lot of this determination comes from family. as a child my parents instilled in me the drive to not become like my oldest sister. she was considered the failure in our family until recently. you see, while i was in japan my sister had gotten accepted to UCLA in '92. By the time we had arrived she began failing classes. I'd like to say that this is attributed to my parents' previous strict and conservative nature. She was then let go from UCLA due to poor academics. From that point, my relatives reiterated to me that my sister was a failure and that i shouldn't become like her. but to be honest with you, i admired her. her voice was her strongest asset. i wanted that drive that she had when she was younger. as my lesson continued from my oldest sister, my 2nd sister graduated from UCR in only 3 short years. She continues to be one of my biggest role models in my life and she most definitely knows that. As for my parents my mother, most definitely my mother has always been pushing me to finish school. my father seemed complacent with my grades and such. he never seemed concerned until certain occurrences. But yes, my mother always nagging me, daydreaming aloud about the day she can retire which coincides with my graduation. ha, but i've prolonged OUR graduation for another 2 years. at the same time, my oldest sister has recently gotten accepted to CAL Poly where she will be majoring in civil engineering. exciting eh? i'm very proud of her, at the age of 30 and still doing what she does best.

and personally, my drive comes from my desire for the truth, for knowledge. i was previously a history major because i wanted to uncover the truth, but as we know truth cannot coexist with biases. but just the thought of discovering and revealing historical moments just drove me further into self-discovery and created a passion for pilipino-ism. my desire to understand the world that exists around me continues to push me to my limits.

in addition, society tells me that a bachelors is not enough esp. as a social worker.

let's go through a list of careers that i've considered:

fashion designer
interior designer
pediatrician
midwife
historian
archaeologist
oceanographer
dancer
singer
musician
teacher
historian
event coordinator
PR
journalist
writer
poet
promoter
lawyer
social worker
oh ya, i even considered the military
that was something i was honestly going for. . achieve my AA and enter as a 2nd lieutenant.

that has been a brief intro to my academic life, which has now consumed me completely.


it's about 10:21 a.m. now. There's supposed to be get together at my apartment but to be honest with you i'm not in the mood to go back to my apartment. I'm enjoying myself in the mean time especially since the kids aren't around.

Plans for today:

throw the mini get together at my apt.
spend time with liz
try and go to utk's art show
dinner and lips with the girls
probably end up at numbers