Emotion:
Random Thought:this is a lot better than studying.
What:your love-alamid

so i'm trying extremely fast for this blog when i should be putting my efforts to typing up 18 pages this weekend. but you know what, this is more entertaining and relaxing than wasting energy on typing about avian influenza A, progress the black manhood and womanhood during WWII, and well not so much this paper . . .graffitti and crime "From Art to Crime"

I'd like to explain my perception about school, it's just a stepping stone. it's just some block that i need move out of the way so i can continue and do that things i really like doing. i'm spending more effort on planning events and such than i am studying. i was talking to my close friend homer and we were just talking about accomplishments. we both agree that since we never fully applied ourselves to academics it's not something to be proud of. it's just minimal effort on my part to become educated. this is probably why some people assume that i don't have the drive to continue with my education. but this portion of it all just drags. i'm exhausted. i like receiving an education, reading some assignments, and typing some assignments, but not all especially the first two.

i'm just tired. i want to get this out of the way so i don't have to think about later on in life. i'm so much better at coordinating events and planning stuff than i am focusing on planning to finish my papers on time. it's just because the interest level is higher for it than school, duh.

it's a gloomy day, i've been up since 9 and ya. the winds blowing and my curtains are swaying left to right. and i'm still just sitting here, that's what i do best.

. . .i still have my gripes about celebrating cesar chavez day for once i'd like to hear some recognition of the efforts of the manongs and manangs. just a some recognition would be nice.

marisol read this powerful piece in class yesterday and my oh my did it remind of who i was when i realized i had a voice. words of frustration and anger grown out of oppression were just beatiful to me. but at the point, i realized how far i've drifted from the movement. i guess you can say that i've just been taking a break or disillusioned by society which tells me that there are no fights to be fought. but deep inside, i know there is a struggle. it's just covered by layers of political correctness and excuse me's. i'm on the flat plains right now.

there's a statewide protest coming up on the 20th. several students from csusm are going up to sacramento to protest against fee increases and shortages of classes, to defend our access to higher education. i'm thinking about going, if i don't go to that one i might just end up going to the local effort downtown. do you realize that it is more to difficult to graduate now than it was before? our access to higher education is being limited by politicians who prefer to spend money on criminal institutions and personal smoke houses.

as for the ethnic/racial movement i'm somewhere in the middle. by joining the Asian movement I find myself still singling out my Filipina heritage and trying to force the voice out. There is discussion about creating a Filipino Cultural Center in San Diego which I believe would be beneficial for San Diego and Filipinos, etc, but there is an individual who is pushing for a Southest Asian Center. I'm not sure how i feel about that, but yea the thought of it just doesn't sit well with me. I'm sure it's because of personal issues and wanting, craving, a Filipino voice to be heard and seen.

as a woman, i feel still an abundance of male oppression. being the only female in my group for SOC 442 where we do address issues of gender equality, i still find myself playing secretary or taking care of these guys. i find myself in situations where guys are waiting for my sarong to blow open to see my chest, etc. Things i don't appreciate. even from my parents, do i feel confined to normalized expectations of a woman. i must get married, i must bear children to make my life complete. it won't be the same if i adopt, i must bear them myself. i don't want to do that. then the threats of loneliness are thrown in my direction to refrain me from unconventional, independent ways.

class wise, i honestly cannot complain about my financial situation. i've got it good, but it still comes with a price which i'm overdue for. my parents are wonderful in their support. imagine at the age of 22, i'm still receiving a montly allowance. it's just as a child i didn't have to work for things. my parents were very frugal when they started their lives and they continue to be, but are still able to provide for their 3 daughters.

sexuality wise, i am in great advantage as a heterosexual female because i am allowed those economic advantages if i were to be wed one day. it's not something to be proud of because i believe love sees no boundaries. state should not regulate a moral issue especially when it comes to love and marriage. i fear for my friends when we get older and they aren't given the same advantages that i am. but i will still continue the fight for this.

abilist i am lucky in that aspect as well. that which i am thankful for as well. this is a topic that i need to receive more education and experience about. i cannot fully understand it if i can't even see how i particpate in the system.

though i may have spoken of my disadvantages there are some advantages within each categorization of my life. i do admit that, but socially there are many disadvantages to the certain positions ascribed to me.