Emotion:pain (i need to pee)
Random Thought:did you ever think about the "more" factor?
What:"OH!" as my nephew kicks the lid to a container

i wish i could share with you a picture of the little rascals that have bombarded my life and share an emotional rollercoaster with. by the way he has bad breath like hot garbage. he drank milk and had i suppose it has been tainted with an after taste of yesterday's food garggled into his tiny mouth. in addition i have an addiction to shortbread cookies. they're delicious, i look forward to them when the girl scouts have their annual fundraiser. interesting fact to interject, the girl scouts was founded on my birthday. but yes, even though they can get under my skin, i still love those two crazy nephews of mine.

so i'm taking this immigration and policy course and we've been talking about proposition 227, the enlish only law within schools and its after effects. it's just a coincidence that i get the first hand experience to this sociologic observation.

i realize that i'm a jumping all over the place in my thoughts, but that's a normal thing for me. what's really been on my mind? the transition of apsa back to james. i'm a little busy bee as known to many and this year i felt overwhelmed by my current status in life and where i'm trying to go. yes, of course james is this highly distinguished fellow for a young age of 21, but there's just something about his character which can be associated with any other politician, a secret agenda. i realize that by confronting the situation i will never receive the whole truth nor will possibly give the whole truth, but these are my thoughts. i have been accused on being haunted by the past of apsa, but in reality i would have to say that i was being stalked. my every move was being monitored by this james character who has a world-sized ego trailing closely behind him. sometimes i wonder if my drive wasn't there this semester or what caused me to hand the organization over in the first place. first off, i was enrolled in 6 upper division courses, president of apsa, co-chair of mslc, currently moved out, readjusting to the u.s. lifestlye, and in search of a spiritual healing. so of course i felt the stress and needed to alleviate myself, seeing as how i had been in apsa since 2002 i figured that it was time to let go. who could i let go of it to? no one was prepared yet, perhaps it was my fault for not preparing them in the first place, but i had no option but james. so now i'm thrown off by his approach to fellow associates stating that he "wants apss back," without rendering any knowledge of my current situation. i call him and tell him i'm offering it back to him. within less than a week, 4 days later or so he calls me and of course happily takes apsa (apss) back with an already established board and scheduled meeting. does that not sound a little suspicious as if he had been planning this all along? i hate being in a competition without even knowing that i had registered. when asked if any of the apsa members are interested in rejoining apss, i sheepishly say yes only because he was sitting next to me as we faced our advisor. yet, i know that not many people agree with the ethics of james and would rather return to an apss free life. i'm not sure what he has stored up his sleeves but i worry about organizations within his grasp (jam control). i'm not sure whether or not i had done a positive thing by warning the group, but i felt that it was just simple guidance. i have no doubt that james will turn apss into something great and that it is no longer my concern. (i guess i can't say anything after that.)

this situation is one that makes you uncomfortable within your surroundings. lex likes to say that i have a lot of unneccessary associates now that i'm trying to filter out. i feel a little better that i have released that from my space, but its claws remain reached out for me. i suppose i just want this situation to purge from me so that i can continue through my journey.