Emotion: discontent.
Random Thought: i am content.
What:sandwich.

i am content with my existence on earth but i am not content with what existence i have for heaven. i am envious of others, cursed with the green eye of greed, wishing to compare my life and know that i am a person of worth. this can all be alluded to a low self esteem i suppose or the simple U.S. pressure of individualism. you know what i never noticed, if you take apart indiviDUALism, dual, two yes? divid to separate. interesting. a separation of self is what occurs. we try to indentify ourselves through one factor yet there are so many characteristics that compile an identity. i would not be myself if i were not, just to mention a few, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a student, a woman, a filipino, a u.s. citizen. this whole individualism concept if ridiculous to me but it seems to perfect a capitalistic society. with the competition of the individuals, u.s. society would not survive. if you put it in the context of socialism or a collective identity where community matters, how do you suppose capitalism could function? of course there is no one right answer nor wrong answer. one can only try as many options as possible to find the hand that fits.

my experience in the philippines is something that i can hold onto forever, it's incomparable to any one else's experience. sounds a little individualistic doesn't it. remember when i kept alluding to my high school philosophy, "everyone goes through the same kind of problems, it's just the way that they handle it that makes it different." i've been thinking about that lately, i still stand behind it but with a little variance. instead of the same kind of problems, we go through problems that we find similiarities/familiarities with. you know what i enjoy, the thought that the one thing that we actually own are our thoughts. yes, yes, there is the theory of mind control and societal influences, but still it is the one thing that an individual can hold onto.

"i hold onto my thoughts with great reverence"

i'm coming back for more. i'm not exactly done this with this entry. i don't think i will ever complete my entries, but then again, odd thought but i believe i'd be ready to die with what i have given to life.

i never completed my prior entry in regards to my dad seeing my tattoo. he objects to it of course, to the tattoo. however, he realizes that in u.s. society it's an form of conformity. it hurt to hear him say that i was conforming, but like almost every other person i believed that this was a personal gift. my dad has been exposed to different walks of life and has seen tattoos branded about the outcasts of society, which explains why he connects tattoos with anarchists, criminals, all the likes of deviancy. my dad will never change his point of view and neither will i but we can still come together as a loving father and daughter. sweet isn't it. = )