Emotion:not sure.
Random Thought:i'm tired.
What:typing.

ever since irma sent me the hyp cd i've had all the songs in my head. "things are different now in love's rebirth" etc. etc. as you can imagine i am exhausted. i didn't fall asleep until 2 a.m. i believe. you know, i was really looking forward to paddling out on a sunny day. yesterday's shine brought my hopes up for good weather, but obviously san diego is prone to contradictory weather. oh well.
rosh is in town until wednesday. it'll be a refresher to see him again and before i leave. he's a brother to me. yep.
so what happens now? after you've retained all this information from college and live, what do you do now? how will you apply all of these skills to be a "useful" humanbeing? i constantly run into personal conflicts with these questions because isn't is all relative? doesn't it depend on the person and what standard of whatever society they would like to abide by? i believe that is why i battle with authenticity and truth. there is no sense of truth except what an individual calls their truth. what is right for another person may not be right for another person. yet, because the world is socially constructed does that mean our experiences are invalid of being authentic? have you ever read oscar wilde's, portrait of dorian gray, (i love this book)? it mentions that there is no sense of originality because it is always influenced by another factor. hence my infamous quote: originality is undetected plagiarism. as much as we would like to believe that we are all truly unique individuals in a society that preaches individualism, we are all products of our society. this brings me back to my former frame of thought. we are all the same but with different perspectives on life. i think ultimately in the united states we are all achieving the same thing, some kind of success by giving birth to ourselves in a capitalistic society. our experiences are similar but the outcome is different, it's situational reality. by placing people into categories, we allow our minds to decipher and interpret the world around us. i oppose to categories, yet i welcome them because there are benefits to creating these. however in terms of race categories, i think those should be eliminated. race is a socially constructed phenomenon that is rooted through political and economic struggles. it was a form of differentiating those who were not "white." it went as far as the hypo-descent practice that considered anyone with african lineage to be "black" regardless of their skin color. Race is based on skin color, your biological traits. when you throw in a person of multiracial background, what do you do? you try to fit them into these categories of white, black, asian, latino. and if they don't fit, our minds cannot process and function correctly. what i remember from my psychology class in high school is that our minds need to make meanings out of things. it cannot function if it does not do this which is why we have simple categories of race. a person's identity is so much deeper than a simple classification. it is more of a nationalistic and ethnic identity that we embrace. our society is filled with shortcuts and simplified standards. don't you think that society would be able to function if every person was allowed to have their own communal identity in terms of ethnicity/race? rather than saying that i'm asian, i can live by the label of a filipina-american. u.s. society wants people to have a distinct cultural identity. this whole bi-cultural experience is common, but not as acceptable. "oh, you're asian," is first rather than saying that you're an "u.s. american" because i do not fit into the framework of the "u.s. american" physicality.

tbc if ever. . .