Emotion:tired.
Random Thought:tired.
What:the tv guide channel.

i'm exhausted. i don't think i'll make it to night class. i don't think i'll survive. i have class in 30 minutes, not really looking forward to it. i keep telling myself that i only have 3 more weeks and i'm already done with 4 classes, but still. it's so much work. then after my last final, i leave for 6 weeks. . continue studying and then i come back for a week and take 6 classes again. does it ever stop? i've given in to the pressures of my parents, the expectation of finishing school asap. i'm thinking of just making criminal justice my 2nd major. no point in having it has a minor when i'm so close to having it as a major. so i'm in the clear. i don't need to go to my night class. now what to do with that extra time? i can go home type my paper and email it to professor crowdes or something. hmm, that's going to a little difficult.

school. yes, my mind is always on school. i need a vacation. i'm doing better. i'm a little stronger than i was a couple of days ago. i've been able to control myself and what not. i've been able to vent with homer. i'm glad that we reunited. anyways, so my family has been asking me what's going with lex. "the guy is devastated," they tell me, well what am i to do? i can't console him because if i do i end up going back into the relationship which is something that i don't want right now. so all these societal pressures have convinced me to graduate college, get a career, and then get married. until that sense of establishment or giving birth to myself occurs, i don't think i'll be getting married anytime soon.

i've had a good session. i went to the gym yesterday for an hour and went running this morning. somehow i've managed to lose 10 lbs. yay go me. just 10+ lbs to go. ya right like i'm going to tell you. weight has been a big issue for me. i found a picture of myself from 1999 or 2001. i'm not sure, but damn i was looking a lot better than i am now. but then again that is all perception right. to be honest, i'm not comfortable in this body. it's foreign to me. when i lose this weight, i don't plan on coming back to it. my sister and i have switched roles. she's rocking my clothes, dammit. and i'm borrowing hers. man. . i yearn for my old style. i probably would even be a little more feminine. at the same time, i don't want to hide the extra love under baggy clothes. ya, damn societal pressures and judgments. i'll be comfortable again.

just need to focus. focus trish, focus.