Emotion:disturbed.
Random Thought:i need something.
What:

so things have taken a whirl. i'm a little more frantic than usual, a little more aware, a little more distraught. it's been a great, but sorrowful weekend. i'm not even sure if i have the strength to continue because it's been so difficult. the only things that seem to keep me sane are paddling out, running, and writing. even in a trio i still can't find some peace. my ate died yesterday in the philippines. she had cervix cancer along with tb. she was only 44, mother of 3, wife to my kuya johnny. i'm not sure how i am handling this but it's rough. for the first time, i cried after hearing about someone's death. she did a lot for our family. she was the caretaker and overseer of our house in the p.i. she kept my kuya at peace. ya. not a great feeling.

on top of that, i have 3 weeks left. instead of going to p.i. for school, i'm going there to see the rembrants of the situation. my heart's not into academics right now. i missed class this morning, i didn't finish what i needed to finish. i feel lifeless.

i see my mom walk around the house in sorrow. it's eerie. two nights before this i dreamt about a friend surrounded by dead people to find out that that night his uncle had passed and two days later my ate had passed. i just want to curl up and just let it out.

my prior engagements don't matter anymore. it's just weird. i can hear laarni crying for her mother. = T ya.

not too happy here, but i just need to let it out.