Emotion:irritated.
Random Thought:what's bugging?
What:

so many things on my mind yet i realize i am the agent of my own life. i can use my own screening process to filter out the unneccessary drama and situations. why don't i? i guess i like keeping everyone in order and happy. putting myself on the cross again i suppose.

so what's been going on?

the most intense and static situation centers around my relationship with paul. to be with him or not? what makes me happy? at this point i'm not even sure. yes i enjoy what we have but i hate the drama that centers around it. things have been great, but how long will it last. is he really like this or is it just so that he can get me back?

i think i'm denial of a lot things that happening. not wanting to move or make a decision about things. just simply not wanting. i just want things to take its course. my only solution would be to cut guys completely out of my life until i get to a point where i want to be in my life. i'm just confused. emotionally drive more htan anything.

i think i just need a break from it all.