Emotion:lost.
Random Thought:i think i've lost sight of my goals.
What:the annoying beeping.

i think i've had a long acquitted mini vacation from school. it's routine for me to slack off during fall semester and then make up for the failure next semester. ya know, i just hope that i won't fail miserably this semester. a vacation sure sounds nice a year from now.

so i've been surrounded by a lot of supernatural experiences, esp, and tarot card readings. i'm being told that i will succeed, yet how does that compare to my daily practices of procrastination and failure to commit? when will something click in my head letting me know that my actions are important and they will be used against me. when will i realize that what i do now will determine what i do for the rest of my life and will imprint lasting impressions of myself to others. (some may choose to interject, a "fuck you to all of you who don't like me" here) maybe i suffer from add. i failed to show up to a few prior engagements with the school. i went to the disability office just to see if i had a learning disability but i failed to show up for the evaluation. i guess if i really don't want to do something, i really won't do even if it's for my own good. that's what you call "stubborn." i have a feeling that i'm only going to pass 3 out of my 5 classes this semester which frightens me seeing as how i need a 2.5 for my last 60 units in order to be accepted to the msw program at sfsu.

at least my current gpa for my major courses is a 3.2 so not too shabby. it's just my ge's that created some discombobulation. sigh (as rosh would type)

i'm disappointed in myself, i really let myself go this week. it's definitely has to be the hormones. i had my regla this week so i was one crazy femme fatale. i think part of me is simply ready to just settle, to move on past achieving my BA, and just get married and focus on my life with lex. man, i can't believe i said that, but that's pretty scary. i mean, i'm only 21. i'm still a baby. neh, i think it's just that i'm finish with school mentally. i'm ready to move on to new things. perhaps just focusing on my future. yet, by simply focusing on the future one commits hypocrisy if they believe in living as if everyday is the last day of your life (paul's thought). by focusing on the future, we forget about today. ya, i think that sums it up a lot better.

my upcoming events:

article due tomorrow by 5 p.m. which means i need to work like no other
saturday-jessica's babyshower
oct. 27 - immigration log due
oct 28-drop ate to the airport
oct 30 - jenelle's coronation, jj's bday
nov. 2 - ate's bday


thus far, notice i lack many academic activities

my deficiencies:

missed all classes monday and tuesday

here's a little mental masturbation for ya:



notice that they're itim (dark) they always have them in white.