Emotion:restless.
Random Thought:none.
What:spongebob-the seahorse named mystery

day 4. So my mother and sister are off to Simi Valley and I'm left alone for once. Yet, they are coming back tonight for my sake. My sister told me that with some sarcasm. She, like many women, changes when it comes to doing things for her boyfriend. She's so much more demanding of the family.

I have a pretty lengthy day ahead of me. I should be getting ready to go to the bank, then to CSUSM to buy books and permit, North County to try on something, Tina's party, and then dinner with the girls.

I came home last night a little vulnerable. I called Lex too many a times, but no answer. I called him this morning and he let me go after what seemed to be 3 minutes of little to no conversation. I have to keep reminding myself that it's really over. I shouldn't be relying on that comfort that used to be there. Ugh. I really don't want to deal with such situations but it's just hard to let go of what used to be there. I often battle the tears built up and the urge to scream. I can't be violent. I try to entertain myself by staying out late, but I haven't met many people that can stay out past 1 a.m. Although I'm slowly seeping back into the car scene. I know I could have done that with Lex but I was the reason why he stopped racing. With the first couple months of dating, we ended up racing a civic on the freeway. Needless to say, I was scared shitless only because of all the traffic weaving he managed to do. I was fine with the racing, but just not to that extreme. I'm used to it being a little more organized though illegal.

I had a good day yesterday. As previously mentioned, it began with shopping with Ali. Later that day, I met up with Paul at Starbucks, chit chatted a little. Then we ran into Homer. He and I chit chatted some more. It's nice being able to talk to him. I tried to call Nik but he didn't pick up so, I called Joey to see what the group was doing. I ended up hanging out with Earnest, Joey, Tracy, and Galene (spelling?). Anyways it was a great night. Even though I went home at 1:30 a.m., I was still able to fall asleep. I even ate a whole meal and some snacks, a little more than usual.

Today should be a fairly good day. I have yet to hit the beach. I haven't been keeping up with temperatures and what not.

Today's is yet another lesson of strength.