Emotion: needy?
Random Thought: daydreaming reveals a desired reality.
What:kenna-within earshot

i think i know what i want in a relationship. realize that i am only talking this way because i am currently re-evaluating a past relationship. lex, i realize i may offend you, but this is my need.

so back to what i was saying, i think i'm looking for a fill in for time that i do have open. hmm, i don't know where exactly i'm going with this, but let me try and direct myself through this.

so i was just watching bring it on. you know that guy cliff? i like his personality and relaxed persona. i want to receive grower's bunches of flowers wrapped in brown paper with rafia tied around it. i want him to write an upbeat song about me, a feel good song. i want A LOT of TALENT. i guess my sister always says it best when she says i want a boy version of myself. i want someone that's secure within the relationship and realize that they are not a top priority, that they will have to divide my time with my career, friends, family, and hobbies. i want someone who knows how to have fun on a couple of dollars or none at all. i want someone who can follow through with plans and actually surprise me and stand up to my stubborn personality. someone who can make beneficial decisions and is on the same wavelength as i am. i want him to be taller than me, fit. i realize i am not exactly fit right now, but i am working to achieve that. i want someone who can horse around and yet be serious. someone who can nuture my personalities and needs of art, spirituality, humanity, intellegence, etc. i think if i was to get into a relationship right now, that person would really have to be something special. someone that can allow me to do as i please, not question my motives, relate to me, have more passion for life or hobby. someone that's not so dedicated to work, someone that can maintain balance and provide security as well as stability. someone that is independent and is more mature than i am, but as immature as i am.

i want someone who can stand their ground, who can debate with me and not give in to my needs for victory. i want someone who can see the world through kalaidescopes and realize its beauty and faults. this is just a jist of what i want in a relationship. also, a big plus. he MUST RESPECT ME! MUST! respect me as well as others, even strangers.

it just has to be right at the right time i suppose. but knowing how my life goes, that doesn't really happen. it may be right, but not at the right time.

gee, i feel like a little school girl talking about boys and relationships. sick. sort of how i felt when i attended that mary kay make-up session. it was too much WOMAN for me. but i think that has to do with my beauty complex and lack of self love. i love my inner person, and a portion of my outer beauty. i have yet to learn how to accept it.