Emotion:none.
Random Thought:day 3
What:nestle good start commercial.

day 3. it's getting easier to let go, but there are times when i'm still caught off guard.

I enjoy blogging. In a way it's brings a sense of clarity. I went out with Ali today. It was fun. I was actually able to buy some clothes that fit me. It felt good. When I put the outfit together, I felt whole again. I was able to wear my caps and my wraps. It was a nice feeling knowing that I could slip back into my old self. Thanks Ali! I finished painting two pieces and writing one. I've been writing a lot. I have to say it really helps me cope with the situation. In addition, just hanging out with new friends and sharing experiences helps me through the tough times. School is about to start, Monday. Woo hoo! I'm not that excited, but to a certain degree I know that it's a positive step to take.

My dad left for a Men's Religious Retreat today with my Ninong and Uncle. I'm sure he's going to have fun. This is his first time attending one. It's at a nice location in Julian. I think it's the same lodging area that I stayed at for the Confirmation Retreat. Tomorrow, my sister and ma are going up to Simi Valley and Oxnard for my cousin's birthday and my sister's boyfriend's niece's birthday. She's such a cutie, she's turning 3 or 4. So it looks like I'm going to have the house to myself tomorrow. That'll be nice. I have to study for a final on Tuesday and finish my Tagalog take home final, as well as prepare for Summer school.

It's taking a different turn in my life. It brings back memories of being in New Jersey, that form of independence. I've met some really great people lately and reunited with others. Their company, like I mentioned before, helps me cope with my current situation. Geez, I don't want to look pitiful. I admit it does hurt, but like I said about loneliness. . . it's only temporary. I just need to open my eyes and realize that I'm in good company. I'm not really alone, but just I suppose with the intimate relationship I am? Ali and I stumbled on a conclusion about relationships. It's nice to have a guy around as a friend, a companion, almost like a brother. That's what it was. Because I didn't grow up with a brother, I seek a male companion. One that can balance the femininity within me.

I had a blank check today from my ma. I've been holding onto it for almost 3 weeks. Today I just wrote it out for a nice sum and cashed it. I just needed to treat myself out.

Tomorrow I need to head up to San Marcos and purchase my textbooks and parking permit. That's definitely going to cost a pretty penny. Thus far, I've managed to save about $50 on textbooks for summer courses by using half.com & cheaptextbooks.com.thank geeznuts for discounts. that i like.

i'm watching some make over show on lifetime while listening to my neighbors' band play. that would be so cool for a guy that has an electric guitar to stand outside my window and play a song for me. ya. that's cool. well anways, back to this whole make over show. Lately I've been contemplating whether or not to send my older sister and mother to one. I think secretly they want to get a make over. I think it would be a great experience for them, even a self confidence boost.

ya, i'm a dork when it comes to romance. i like to daydream about it, especially the courtship. that sounds a little ideal right now, a really REALLY REALLY long courtship. I like the thought of receiving a grower's bunch of flowers wrapped in brown paper tied with raffia, having a mix tape with original songs on it, having a guy serenade me with old tagalog songs or flamenco, even rock/alternative songs, seeing him express his artistic side on a daily basis taking advantage of the world's canvas, being bundled up in a blanket together, just enjoying each other and being open.

anyways. enough of that. bye.