Emotion:none.
Random Thought: not even a month.
What:ditech commerical.

day 2. not even a month. we couldn't even last a month with just dating. i know this is all redundant but i think i really have to try hard. last time i was able to survive a week. i think my near-accident experience is what brought us closer together. i feel safe when i'm with you but that might have something to do with the comfort of being with you for such a long period of time. i think keeping myself occupied was only to reinforce my mentality of not being stable enough for a relationship. mind you these are only theories.

so it's finalized i'm leaving on june 30th at 9 p.m. from LAX. i won't be back on the expected date, but i'll be back in time to move out. random question. what ever happened to olivia who sang bizounce. that was my theme song for my relationship with branigan. anyways. i'm heading in the right direction. i'm going to study in the P.I. for a while, my gpa is up and i'm going to hopefully be accepted into SFSU'S master's program of Ethnic Studies. I can do all of this and survive. The temporary loneliness may stop me in my tracks, but that's all it is temporary. i feel sorry for any guy i date. it's unfair for them because i am a selfish woman. i'm looking out for myself right now. like i've said time and time again, i have no time to be in love. you can come along for the ride if you want but don't be surprised if you get left behind. i'm a whole lot of woman with a lot of emotional rollercoasters and indecisive nature. i enjoy traditional filipino customs with a mix of modern americanized life. i like new and exciting experiences, i get bored easily as well as easily discouraged. if something doesn't go according to what i think she occur, i'm quick to drop it and start over again to make it right. i love experiencing new cultures, depends on what kind though but i'm still open to the knowledge it can bring. at the same time i'm very stubborn which causes me to be argumentative. i'm dealing with being abused, trying to take in the good and leave out the bad. yea, it's sad to say but i'm still coping with that. as much as i speak about my experience i don't think i have fully come to terms with the affect it has had on me. when i fight with a loved one it brings back memories of the relationship. often times i go back into that crazed mentality. i think i'm sick in the head, literally. i'd like to think that there's some supernatural force that is luring me into these situations but then again i don't know. you know, it's hard to bond two things together, maybe that's why assimiliation doesn't really work. it's hard to blend two completely opposite ideas and such.



it's like kicking a habit.