confession: i didn't go hiking.

i didn't feel like waking up and besides there's a strange tension forming between my sister and me. so anyways, i've begun the process. i've signed up for the VIPtransfer at sfsu. i think i might actually be able to transfer there, but i don't want to get my hopes up. i can't decide right now what i want my major to be. i can just be a double major, asian american studies and journalism. that'd be cool. i can then continue a master's in asian american studies. heh, it looks like i'm back to be ambitious. too bad last semester's grades don't convey the message. i just don't have any motivation at this school. i think my only motivation is to get out of that school. man, i wish i had really taken my time when i was applying for colleges. i did take a lot of time, but a lot of it was spent slacking off. man, sfsu - the stuff dreams are made out of.

yesterday my sister was acting kind of strange. i know she's been getting irritated by my habits of not picking up after myself and taking my time, bleh. i can't help it? i've been picking up after myself in the bathroom, putting the caps back on the toothpaste, and trying to hurry. she and i aren't always on the same page. she's strict and i'm kick back. she kicks back with a plan. i kick back with spontaneity. last night, i was engaged in a really interesting conversation with a filipino american experience teacher. i didn't finish talking to him until 7:40, giving me 20 minutes to get ready. when i had finished taking a shower, i asked her what's her problem. she replied, "i'm not having a good day" in kind of a harsh tone. i don't like being around her when she gets like that. so reluctantly i pried myself out of my teary eyed mood and drove to the movies with lex and her. usually, i wouldn't even bother to go anymore after that. . but too much of a hassle. we arrived at the theaters at 8:30, giving us 15 minutes to kill. after the movie, we headed home.

today my family went on a hike. . but i just didn't feel like going. i've been trying to get out of it since yesterday, but my sister insisted that i go. first of all, she complains about all this family time we spend together so whyis she encouraging it? why do i have to attend all the socials she plans when she can weasle out of my parents' plans? man, that sucks. my sister walks into my room trying to get me up, but i don't budge. i choose not to. my mom tries and so does my dad. i just don't go. my legs have been really soar from the yoga class and i'm pretty sure a 2 hour hike would slaughter them. so they left, i stayed in bed.

last night i had a strange dream. i can't sleep at night. paranoia maybe? i had another night terror. this time, i was on the phone with lex which i really was. and i was struggling to scream and i was moving around trying to get someone to hear me. i was pounding on the walls, anything that would make a sound. my parents didn't hear me and neither did lex. i woke up after that. i didn't want to be awake, but ya. i didn't bother to check the time. i was afraid that it was that hour when the devil came and knocked on your window. i don't what it is. . but something isn't right. so i laid in bed for a good amount of time and finally fell asleep. i don't understand. strange.

so today is a new day. . it's about 12:58 p.m. i'm not quite sure what i have in store, but i know i'm going to church at 5 and perhaps jogging afterwards. i took a break from excercising yesterday. things seem to be okay with my family, but i know in reality they are disappointed that i didn't go hiking with them.