ma-la-ya. free.

confession: james is doing a better job.

i need to get over it. i'm not in control so stop trying to be in control. i am the type of person who likes to have complete control over her environment, otherwise mayhem will break out. heh, that's a bit extreme, but yes. so james is now on top of things, which is good. i have to learn to work with him, it's not the other way around. he's the president, not me. he was a founding father of apss, so i have to at least give him credit for that.

i am a natural born hypocrite. i've recently assimilated myself into the "hip-hop culture", well more so than i was before. now, when people tell me about events i get sort of irritated because these people were never into shows and such. that's how i'm a hypocrite, but i'm trying to dig myself out. it's like clothes. you need to find several outfits until you find something that suits you. this assimilation is developing a new characteristic in me where i feel free. all the things that prevent me from being myself are thrown into pandora's box, slowly though.

aside from that i'm doing just fine. family is good. love life is good. friendships are okay. i'm meeting new people so the friendship category is still developing. after the rave last week, i was telling my mom that i couldn't go back to high school. i couldn't go back to the "friends" i had. i remember junior year, confirmation class. we had a choice to stand where we believed we had a lot of best friends or a lot of acquaintances. during that time i was close wtih a couple of the girls, but when i thought about it they were just acquaintances. that was a turning point in a lot of my friendships. these girls became people i acquainted myself with, not someone i would share my deepest secrets with like a bestfriend. there are acquaintances, friends, and best friends.